Avoid Feeling Stuck Post-Divorce

Often, people struggle with feelings of guilt or shame after a divorce. There are several commonly believed myths that may make you feel as though you’re not worthy of asking for and seeking the life you want. Here are a few tips to help you bust through some common myths.

Myth #1: Asking for What You Want is Selfish

Many of us are taught from an early age that wanting something for ourselves equates to selfishness. This “emotional conditioning” can present in adulthood as well, especially if you are going through or have recently been through a divorce. This feeling is especially common among women who have gone because they are raised to believe that being a wife and/or a mother requires complete selflessness. But it is not selfish to ask for what you want. Believe it or not, it is healthy and critical to your post-divorce recovery to take care of yourself first! Focus on activities that bring you joy, and intentionally set some time each week to commit to them, such as quality time with friends, your kids, or engaging in a new hobby.

Myth #2: It’s Too Hard to Move Forward

To the contrary, the world is yours for the taking after divorce. Your actions will help shape what your life looks like, in the present and in the future. Reflect on those times when you may have been scared or anxious. Perhaps you took more classes in college than you initially believed yourself capable, or perhaps juggling the ever-present “work-life” balance left you feeling like you were not enough?  Then, shift your focus to all the times you triumphed, as well as all the times you seemingly failed & what you learned from those experiences. Consider writing down these life events or moments in a journal and be truthful with yourself about the feelings you were experiencing in those moments. Recalling life’s triumphs and failures will help you reconnect with the confidence that is within you!  Remember that you have prevailed in the past and you can do so again. This exercise takes work, practice, and consistency, but it is worth doing for YOU so that you can embrace and envision the life you truly want.

Myth #3: You Do Not Deserve a New Life

People are constantly bombarded with ideas that they should be grateful for what they have without aspiring for more. This message can be damaging to your self-esteem during and after a divorce as you navigate many negative emotions. You should never feel bad for asking for more in your life and it is okay to invest in yourself, treat yourself, and take care of yourself. Do not neglect your desires or mental health as you begin your new life. Taking time for yourself now is going to help you in the future, as well as those who are closest to and care for you.

If you are struggling to reclaim joy in life, please consider seeking professional mental health interventions.  Take the time you need to grieve the end of your marriage but remember that the “myths of divorce” you have been told do not have to rule your life as you get to know yourself again.

Working with an experienced attorney can help guide you through the process of a divorce. The attorneys at Jenkins & Kamin LLP care about their clients and want every stage of a client’s divorce to go as smoothly and favorably as possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals and other support staff with clients, so they feel fully supported through difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identifying relevant legal issues and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, and aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact our office at 713-600-5500.

Jenkins & Kamin and the National Family Law Trial Institute in Houston

 Jenkins & Kamin, LLP Partners Lynn Kamin, Aaron Reimer, Claudia Canales and Associate Jeanice Dawes were honored to take part in the 2023 National Family Law Trial Institute, a preeminent litigation skills course dedicated exclusively to family law.

The nationally renowned faculty of the National Family Law Trial Institute includes top family law litigators, jurists, and forensic experts from across the country. These faculty members are recognized authorities in the fields of evidence, family law advocacy, cross-examination, taxation, business valuation, psychological evaluation, and custody evaluation. They have held leadership positions in the American Bar Association, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, the International Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers as well as state and local bar associations. Individual faculty members have been included among the Best Lawyers in America, Super Lawyers, and the Bar Registry of Preeminent Lawyers and are the recipients of numerous prestigious awards. Students of the National Family Law Trial Institute benefit from the extensive trial experience, scholarship, and teaching excellence of these faculty members in a unique setting that adapts the successful techniques developed by the National Institute of Trial Advocacy to the unique characteristics of family law litigation.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals and other support staff with clients, so they feel fully supported through difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identifying relevant legal issues and effective explanations of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, and aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact our office at 713-600-5500.

Tips for Moving on After a Divorce

 After you finalize a divorce, it is important to remember that there is no “one size fits all” approach to your self-healing. Every person is different, and they will recover differently. With that in mind, here are a few tips that are worth considering as you begin your journey toward a new life.

Prioritize Your Self-Care

This is a vulnerable time for you and it is vital that you take good care of yourself. Self-care comes in many forms, but it always means that you honor your mental, physical, and emotional needs. Focus on yourself by ensuring that you eat a nutritious diet, get plenty of exercise, adhere to a good sleep schedule, and engage in any hobbies that you are passionate about.

Remember What You Are Grateful For

It may feel as though everything around you is falling apart – which is why you must take care to remember the blessings you do have in your life. Research shows that focusing on your gratitude can have a profound impact on your overall happiness, self-esteem, and sense of compassion toward others.

Rediscover What Makes You Happy

Your life before marriage may have looked very different. It is natural for people to sacrifice some of their identities to meld better with their partner, and this is usually not done intentionally. However, this may leave you feeling discombobulated following a divorce.

Now is the perfect time for your self-discovery. Find what makes you feel happy and alive. Perhaps there are some hobbies you enjoyed before your marriage that you no longer engage in. Picking up interests from your single life before marriage can greatly help you move forward.

Avoid Numbing Behaviors

It is common to deal with stress by drinking, using drugs, overeating, or compulsively shopping. One of every six American adults binge drinks multiple times each month. Some of these habits may not inherently indicate a severe problem, but they should never be your only coping skills. Numbing your emotions is a temporary fix and do not take your pain away, rather they prolong it. While it is difficult to face your uncomfortable feelings, doing so will be one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Set Communication Boundaries with Your Ex

Divorce will trigger messy feelings and continued conversations with your former spouse can exacerbate your stress. That is why it is important to consider how, when, and what you choose to communicate to your ex. There are no right-or-wrong answers. If you have children, you will inevitably need to communicate and co-parent with your former spouse. Still, it is rarely helpful to maintain a friendship in the immediate aftermath of a divorce. Set boundaries that allow you to fully process your emotions and allow yourself to heal.

Be Kind to Yourself

While it may sound cliché, it is important to provide compassion to yourself following a divorce. You need to be loving, forgiving, and patient with yourself. Practice internal kindness by engaging in positive affirmations each day, reducing toxic people or behaviors in your life, setting healthy boundaries, and reaching out for support when you need it.

Remember that self-compassion is not a destination, it is a journey that you take each day. Embarking on this journey will make you stronger, more in control of your emotions, and able to handle adversity.

Working with an experienced attorney can help guide you through the process of a divorce. Jenkins & Kamin LLP cares about its clients and wants every stage of a client’s divorce to go as smoothly and favorably as possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals and other support staff to enhance each client’s experience in difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of every particular legal issue and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact our office at 713-600-5500.

Jeanice Dawes: Family Law Attorney for Jenkins & Kamin

 Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for their “team” approach to enhance the client experience by utilizing experienced attorneys, paralegals and other support staff to support their clients amidst difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of every particular legal issue and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible. 

Experience matters. Compassion counts.

Jeanice Dawes is a University of Houston Law Center (UHLC) graduate. Before joining Jenkins & Kamin, LLP, as an Associate Attorney, she was an Assistant County Attorney with the Harris County Attorney’s Office, representing the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (commonly called CPS). Jeanice is board certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization in Child Welfare law.

Jeanice has extensive experience litigating family law cases. She has tried numerous bench trials and has first and second-chair jury trial experience. Her family law experience includes handling divorce, child custody, modifications, paternity, adoption, and termination cases.   Additionally, Jeanice has juvenile law and civil litigation experience.

Jeanice Dawes was an Assistant District Attorney with the Galveston County District Attorney’s office representing CPS. For approximately four years, she was a private practice family law attorney representing clients across Texas, including Harris and surrounding counties. In her private practice, Jeanice represented parents as an Ad Litem attorney in Child Welfare cases and children as an Amicus and Ad Litem attorney. She also served as a Child Advocate during law school. She received the UHLC Distinguished Service Award for serving the community as a student attorney with the UHLC Civil Practice Clinic.

Before matriculating at the University of Houston Law Center, Jeanice Dawes was a Financial Managing Program (FMP) member at General Electric Company. After her stint at General Electric, Jeanice served as the Senior Financial Accountant for Imperial Homes, LTD. In 2002, Jeanice graduated Summa Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science in Finance from Tuskegee University in Tuskegee, Alabama.

Jeanice Dawes is a proud Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated- Omicron Tau Omega chapter member. She volunteers with her church, Time of Celebration Ministries Church (TOCMC), with the teen youth group. Jeanice is a member of the State Bar of Texas Family Law and the Child Welfare Law sections. She is also a member of the Houston Bar Association and a past member of the Houston Lawyer’s Association. She is the proud aunt of four nieces and three nephews. Jeanice is a dog mom to a four-year-old boxer, Duchess Dawes, and a native Houstonian.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact one of our offices in the greater Houston area.

 

Susan Oehl Serves on the Board of Houston Lawyer Referral Service

 

Susan E. Oehl, a partner at Jenkins & Kamin LLP (www.jenkinskamin.com) currently serves on the HLRS™ Board and was the immediate-past President of the organization. A 2006 graduate of South Texas College of Law Houston and Board Certified Family Law practitioner since 2017, Susan appreciates the opportunity to use her legal experience and leadership skills to give back to her local bar association and the greater Houston community.

Established in 1958, the Houston Lawyer Referral Service (HLRS™) is a non-profit, community service program connected to the legal profession. HLRS™ helps connect qualified, pre-screened lawyers with community members in need of legal services for a variety of issues.

When you contact HLRS™, a trained staff member will help assess the nature of the problem and can connect you with an attorney in private practice to assist you. HLRS™ has nearly 200 attorney members that can accept cases in 38 different legal categories, are in good standing with the State Bar of Texas, and must also meet strict guidelines and criteria to join HLRS. All HLRS™ attorney members provide an initial 30-minute office consultation for a nominal fee of $20 and commit to charge a reasonable fee after they are retained to represent a party.*

*Note: Personal injury matters usually involve a contingency fee arrangement instead of requiring payment at the beginning of representation.

Post Divorce Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Situations

 No one expects to get a divorce, nor do they spend a great deal of time considering what life may be like afterward. However, if you are going through a divorce, it is safe to say that the process is very time consuming and likely to dominate your mind almost constantly. You may find yourself bringing it up in every conversation - this can either help bond you with someone or push them away. Here are a few simple social tips to keep in mind as you go through your divorce and beyond.

Mind What You Say in Public

It is natural to wish to unburden yourself to friends and family, but you should be cautious what you reveal to others about your ex and your divorce. People are listening and formulating opinions. Those closest to you take what you say and hold it against your ex-spouse, even further down the road when your relationship may become less volatile. This is especially true if you are attempting to co-parent with your ex-spouse. At the same time, anything you say can also be used against you. Remember, this is an extremely stressful time and you are most likely not behaving as you normally would. Airing your dirty laundry can provide some temporary relief, but it could also create an additional layer of conflict amongst your family and friends.

Be Extremely Cautious of Your Behavior When Your Kids are Around

Regardless of what happens between you and your spouse during your divorce, you both will forever be the parents of your children – even adult children. Hearing one parent insult the other can have devastating affects on a child of any age or maturity level. Children should not have to struggle to identify and compare themselves to the people they love and admire most while hearing negative talk about those same people. No matter their age, kids tend to internalize and misinterpret what they hear. It is best to avoid discussing anything negative surrounding your divorce if there is even a remote chance your kids could be listening.

If You Are Feeling Overly Emotional, Postpone Legal Discussions

Your lawyer will undoubtedly be one of the most understanding people when it comes to your struggle, but they are not a substitute for professional therapeutic counseling. Divorce lawyers can provide great advice and helping you to put things into perspective, but the more you are discussing your emotional or mental health with them, the less time you are working on your case strategy to ensure you are walking away from your marriage in the best possible position. Do not be afraid to seek out a mental-health specialist if you need one. Your attorney can even help you find one best suited for your needs.

Remember That Legally Speaking Your Spouse is Your Adversary

Not all divorces are contentious. Perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who is ending their marriage for the mutual benefit of both parties and can do so without a lot of fighting. But it is still important to remember that when it comes to the legal process, you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are adversaries and have different goals. Do not allow a friendship to be used against you. Work closely with your legal counsel to ensure you are not being taken advantage of and considering all your options with an open mind to achieve your divorce goals.

Don’t Kiss and Tell

Even if your spouse has moved on, remarried, or started a new family, it is never a good idea to discuss your intimate relationships with each other. If you can maintain a friendly relationship with your ex, you should still avoid the topic of your respective post-divorce romantic lives to avoid uncomfortable situations. Feelings of bitterness or jealousy, no matter how small, can strain your relationship and can be particularly damaging if you are attempting to co-parent your kids together.

Reconsider Congratulating Others on their Divorce

Recent trends have shown many people have begun celebrating the finalization of their divorces with small (or large) parties, vacations, or a night out. Perhaps you are one of these people whose life is improved by divorcing but do not assume the same for others. If you hear of a friend’s recent split, hold off on congratulating them or talking up how much better their life will be. Just because that was the case for you, every divorce is different. The end of a marriage can be extremely painful for some, and you want to remain sensitive to that pain, even if it is not something you have experienced firsthand.

Do Not Discuss Your Divorce on a Date

Now that your divorce is in your rear-view mirror, you should avoid discussing your divorce on dates. Oversharing details of your divorce or spending a lot of time insulting your ex is unpleasant to anyone listening and does not aid you in healing from the process. No matter how unique you believe your divorce story is, it usually is not. You should not allow it to define you. Give your date, or anyone else for that matter, the privilege of getting to know you – not your divorce.

Working with an experienced attorney can help guide you through the process of a divorce. Jenkins & Kamin LLP cares about its clients and wants every stage of a client’s divorce to go as smoothly and favorably as possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals and other support staff to enhance each client’s experience in difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of every particular legal issue and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact our office at 713-600-5500.

Jenkins & Kamin continues to give back to the Community

 Dress for Success Houston has been empowering Houston women for over twenty-five years, and Jenkins & Kamin LLP is proud to support this important non-profit organization.

Because of its generous donors, like Jenkins & Kamin LLP (www.jenkinskamin.com), the services provided by Dress for Success Houston are delivered at no cost to the organization’s clients.  Recently, Jenkins & Kamin supported Dress for Success Houston’s “Rendezvous for a Cause” event, which raised over $629,000!

The agency’s objective is to create change within the community by equipping thousands of Houston-area women each year with the resources needed to attain long-term employment and success - ultimately building skilled leaders who will continue to make a difference for others. Dress for Success Houston provides professional attire and interview preparation to women ready to enter the workforce. With over twenty programs available, the organization offers women an opportunity to participate in workshops based on their individual needs, including job search skills, career education, and job retention.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm adopts a “team” approach by utilizing experienced attorneys, paralegals and other support staff to support their clients through difficult life transitions.

Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of every legal issue and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit www.jenkinskamin.com or contact our office at (713) 600-5500 to schedule a consultation.