Divorce Advice for Men

 The erosion of a marriage is a difficult time for all parties involved. There are general tips for anyone going through divorce, but this article will focus specifically on men who find themselves seeking, or facing an upcoming divorce.

Tips for Men Seeking Divorce

Tell Your Wife in a Respectful Way

Sadly, there is no correct way to break the news that you are wanting to end a partnership, but there are several wrong ways you can avoid. It is unlikely that you have suddenly decided you want a divorce, so it is best to not suddenly break this news. Do not wait for emotions to boil over and scream your desires during an argument. Instead, schedule a planned conversation with your spouse where the children will not be present, and she will have time to mentally prepare for a difficult conversation. This will allow you to practice what you will say and prepare for her possible reactions. The smoother this process begins the better.

Give Your Wife Time and Space After Breaking the News

Men tend be action-oriented so you may wish to get the process started as quickly as possible. However, patience after the initial conversation will allow your spouse time to process the upcoming change. Do not pressure her into action immediately.  Instead, your conversation about seeking divorce should be separate from any action-oriented conversations. There are special circumstances which may surround your divorce, and jumping immediately into addressing these will likely only lead to further conflict. Keep the initial conversation solely focused on informing your spouse that you are desiring a split.

Reassure Your Wife That You Reached This Decision with Plenty of Consideration

Your wife may not yet be in the same place that you are and may still hold on to hope that your marriage can be saved. If you know for certain that your marriage cannot be fixed, take the time to inform your wife that this decision was a long time coming and that you are resolved to move forward. The more she understands your point-of-view, the more likely she will be able to move forward in the process amicably and work for an outcome of mutual benefit.

Put your Family First

Even though your marriage is ending, if you and your wife have children together or your families are close, she will likely remain a part of your life for many years to come.  Give serious thought to caring for her vulnerabilities, whether it be financial insecurity or worries about how the change will affect the children.  Show her that you care about her wellbeing and that, despite everything, you want what is best for her and the children.  Be transparent with her on financial issues, and—to the extent possible—ensure that funds available for her to hire her own attorney or establish a temporary residence.  Reassure her that you want to continue parenting your children as a team and that no one will take her place.  By directly addressing your wife’s biggest fears in the divorce, you can minimize conflict, restore communication, and set your family up for a calm transition. 

Take Responsibility

Divorce has a way of reversing traditional gender roles in a marriage.  The person who has always been the breadwinner suddenly can no longer focus primarily on work because he is responsible for the kids half of the time.  The person who has always been the stay-at-home-mom suddenly has to find on work outside the home just to help make ends meet.  Both you and your wife are going to have to take on responsibility for your new normal, so be proactive.  For example, start taking your children to school, pack the kids’ lunches, attend or volunteer with their extracurricular activities, get to know their friends and teachers, and offer to stay home with your children when they are sick.  The effort you put in to care for your children now will pay dividends later—both in your connection with your children, but also in your spouse’s appreciation for and trust in your parenting skills. 

If you have any reason to doubt your spouse’s ability to care for your children after your separation—due to alcoholism, drug abuse, mental-health issues, anger problems, negligence, or any other reason—it is imperative that you take responsibility for your children’s daily care.  Do not abdicate responsibility for your children to your troubled spouse in the hopes that this will ease conflict.  Instead, if you want to be the primary parent after the divorce is granted, be the primary parent in the years leading up to the divorce.  This will greatly improve your ability to show the judge that you are the parent who can best care for the children.

Lower Your Emotional Reactivity

Being hit with the news that your partner wishes to end your marriage is a difficult thing to accept. Do your best to keep a cool head and not allow your anger to guide you moving forward. The more amicable you can keep your relationship the easier it will be to co-parent or interact with each other post-divorce.

Working with an experienced attorney can help guide you through the process of a divorce. Jenkins & Kamin LLP cares about their clients and wants every stage of their divorce to go as smoothly and favorably as possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is one of the most respected family law firms in Texas. The firm is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals and other support staff to enhance each client’s experience in difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of every particular legal issue and effective explanation of the law with respect to those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Family Law Appeals and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit http://www.jenkinskamin.com or contact one of our offices in the greater Houston area.