Caring for your Mental Health during a Divorce

 The end of a marriage is often a difficult and emotionally draining process. In addition to seeing your court settlements through, you are also having to plan for your future, balance a budget, and possibly navigate the daunting task of learning how to co-parent with your now ex-spouse. Understandably, many people do not take the time during the divorce process to stop and consider their own emotions and mental well-being as they embark on a new stage of life.

Regardless of the circumstances, the flood of emotions you are experiencing can be confusing or possibly even frightening. It is natural to be unsure how to fully understand the range of emotions you feel. It is important to remember that your feelings are valid and there is no “right” way to emotionally deal with the end of a marriage. Take the time to give yourself a break and show yourself kindness. Studies show that maintaining self-compassion allows you to handle the daily challenges of divorce better in the months following a separation. Understanding and caring for yourself will go a long way in helping you move forward.

Do Not View Your Relationship as a Failure

Many marriages grow apart, and you may be tempted to view the end of your marriage as a defeat. As divorce in general has lost much of its former stigma, therefore end of a relationship should not be considered a failure.  Viewing your ended relationship as a failure may hinder your ability to move on with your life – instead consider it as something that simply stopped serving you. No doubt, your marriage had its good moments and those moments have encouraged growth within yourself. Understanding the benefits of a ‘failed’ relationship is key to helping your journey forward.

Say Goodbye

It is normal for your relationship to have a grieving period. You are unwinding a huge part of your own life and as part of viewing your divorce healthily, it is ideal if you and your ex-partner are able to sit down together to compassionately reflect on your marriage. Circumstances may not always allow this, but if you can come together with your ex to say goodbye and wish each other the best moving forward it will help you achieve a sense of closure. If emotions or safety concerns prevent you from being able to take this time with your ex, you can still ‘say goodbye’ on your own. Bid farewell to the things in your marriage that you are looking forward to never seeing again. Reflect on why your marriage had to come to an end and make a commitment to put those negative things in the past so you can avoid the same mistakes on the road ahead.

Stay Positive

Any divorce has the possibility of becoming tense and filled with heated exchanges. Studies show that children who are exposed to high amounts of parental conflict are at greater risk to develop psychological or social problems. Additionally, the added stress will only make navigating the divorce more difficult for you. Try to keep a positive environment around you, your former partner, and your children.  Try to set your ex-spouse up for success, if you can:  use friendly emojis in your texting, offer help and gratitude, if appropriate, and allow your children to be excited about spending time with the other parent.  Keeping an upbeat, positive outlook will spill over and be beneficial to all parties involved – even if you are the only person committed to doing it.

Place Trust in a Friend

You need a shoulder to lean on. Rely on your closest friend or family member that you trust. Divorce is difficult and it is imperative that you have an outlet to speak freely. A confidant can help you through the difficult moments and act as a sounding board as you make the crucial decisions surrounding your new life. However, it is important to pick your confidant wisely: this person should not be second-guessing your decisions or provoking you to more conflict, but rather should be supporting and validating your emotions. Also, it is best if you choose only one friend to act as your confidant. It is common to feel the urge to overshare during this time in your life, but it has the potential to be used against you and could even alienate the people with whom you seek to connect.  Relying on a single trusted source provides the outlet you need without the possibility of oversharing information that could hurt you down the road.

Keep Your Schedule      

Much of the anxiety in a divorce comes from the feeling of being lost. So much of your life is in turmoil, and the changes are sudden. To help yourself feel more settled, it is essential to keep as much of your daily and weekly routines as possible. This will help prevent isolation, and even though some activities may not bring you the same joy as they did before, you should still commit to doing them on a regular schedule. Sticking to your normal schedule will help you adjust and make your life feel as normal as possible.

No matter the situation, remember to take time to care for yourself. An experienced attorney can help you not only navigate the legal issues surrounding your separation but will also commit to helping you move forward in your life. If you need additional resources to focus on your mental health do not be afraid to ask those around you, including your attorney, for recommendations and help.

Jenkins & Kamin, LLP cares about their clients and wants every stage of their divorce to go as smoothly and favorably as possible. They are committed to helping you throughout your case and beyond by providing resources and legal counseling to help you begin your new life in the best position.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP is noted for its “team” approach by pairing skilled attorneys, paralegals, and other support staff to enhance each client’s experience in difficult life transitions.

In addition to the “team” approach, Jenkins & Kamin, LLP strives to personalize case strategies for each individual client, including identification of particular legal issues and effective explanation of the law concerning those issues.  The firm endeavors to achieve a resolution that is appropriate for each client, while aggressively advocating on their behalf when necessary. Having a dedicated and experienced team working with you in any family law matter is of utmost importance to achieve the best result possible.

Jenkins & Kamin LLP represents clients in the following aspects of family law practice: Marital Property Agreements, Divorce, Complex Property Issues, Child Custody & Visitation, Child Support, Parentage, Modifications, Domestic Violence Issues, Family Law Appeals, and Dispute Resolution Alternatives. To learn more about the firm, visit http://www.jenkinskamin.com or contact one of the offices in the greater Houston area.